A Love Letter to Linda McMahon,

November 30, 2012

A Love Letter to Linda McMahon,

Dear Linda,
I was reading pundits pouncing on Linda McMahon after the election, and was about to join in the mugging right then and there, when it occurred to me that I’d like to work for you instead as your new marketing and public relations advisor.
Until recently, I needed the work, and I believe you could become a magnificent leader in Connecticut or elsewhere. I have to admit I made a modest donation to your opponent, Chris Murphy, and think poorly of the World Wide Wrestling Federation, but all those advertisements of you convinced me that you have what it takes to succeed. That’s the good news.
The bad news, is that you will have to dramatically change your ways. I would suggest you think seriously about spending as much money on the poor– or, social service organizations, as you did on your two runs for Senate. If you were to act more like Jesus for a few years, or at least like a thoughtful philanthropist, you could probably win a house of representatives seat, which is where you should start, in your new life of good works.
One of my new projects is to rejuvenate the Republican Party. Thomas Friedman and I agree, we need two good political parties in this country, and the right wing of the Republican party has become a bit of an embarrassment. After your real, and not faked, conversion to a life of good works, we would seek out an opponent with more warts than Chris Murphy. Knocking off a member of the Tea Party would be the ticket, if we can find one in Connecticut, or if you own a second home in the right part of the country.
The incredible story of Paul Ryan’s photographed visit to a soup kitchen in Wisconsin should be part of your new political playbook– as in what not to do. Apparently Ryan and his family snuck into a soup kitchen before lunch was actually served, and had a photographer take pictures of them pretending to wash the pots and pans after lunch. This was a scam worse than the World Wide Wrestling Federation. Paul Ryan and his family should have just cooked or served or cleaned up a meal, without a photographer, to try it out for size. If the story turns out to be true, no one should trust a man like that.
So for you, Linda McMahon, as the groin-kicking millionaire of World Wide Wrestling, who spent at least $75 million on your two senate runs, you need a real make-over. As I explained my vision for your future rehabilitation to a friend, he made a face and said you were beyond repair. Your brand was trashed. I said, nonsense. Before there was Saint Paul, there was Saul, the tax collector who persecuted and killed Christians. If he can do it, so can you. Maybe there is even hope for me.
I just started working for a non-profit that serves the indigent in CT. This wonderful organization of heroes is as poor as a basement of church mice, but they manage miracles with the thousands of elderly and disabled people they help to live with dignity in their homes or apartments. Progressives such as myself have looked in awe and disapproval at how much you spent on your runs for Senate, wondering how much good you could have done if you had put that money to directly helping the needy, or an important cause. There are other causes beyond serving the poor.
I blanche with embarrassment when I hear politicians in CT of both parties talking about how we absolutely have to keep making two nuclear submarines a year, even if the nation has more nuclear submarines now than it needs. Our military budget is larger than that of the next 17 countries combined. What if we persuaded a US car manufacturer to team up with Electric Boat and the US Government, to build electric cars at Electric Boat in Connecticut, supported in part with US tax dollars, to offset the jobs lost when we reduce their nuclear subs from two a year, to one every five years. I would like a Chevy Volt at the price of a Prius, or a Ford Focus.
According to Buinsessinsider.com, the new Virginia class submarine costs $2.4 Billion, and takes five years to build. We could take the 2.4 Billion for one of these unneeded subs and use most of it to help finance the new factory in eastern Connecticut.
Thanks to attack ads, most voters now know that you can kick a man in the groin. Now show them that you can aim your kick at a better target, like the imbalance of trade with China and the developing world or the loss of manufacturing jobs. We desperately need thousands of more jobs, and a modicum of dignity for the poor souls who can’t find work, or are too old to compete in the globalizing market place. There is a lot to be done, by someone with your talent.